15 Bad Films In 5 Sentences (or less)

15 Bad Films In 5 Sentences (or less)

I’ve taken a look at many films over the course of my writings. Most have ranged from good to great but few of them has gone in to the outright bad categories. I try not to focus on bad films intentionally mainly because it’s a hamper on my spirit to a degree and these are usually covered fairly well by tons of other reviewers out there more qualified than I am. I also don’t necessarily get my best writing out of it all of the time. But for one series of entries only, I’ve decided to bring a small touch of attention to the bad films of the world out there. These are films (partially chosen and helped along by you the readers) that aren’t so bad that they are good or even just kind of eh. These are films that get you angry, your blood boiling, and are just so god awful that you felt insulted and even negatively drained after watching them. In 5 sentences (or less), these are 15 of the worst films ever to grace cinema screens:

 

“Sausage Party” — I will never completely understand why this film was so popular / recognized as a good movie by any means. I suppose the animation is good to a degree and the story line sort of interesting which I guess are minor points in its favor. But overall, ‘Sausage Party’ is a completely vile piece of media that honestly pushes the line way too far with what it was trying to achieve as well as insults the writers and animators who were not only paid to create this but not even paid well or credited by all accounts. I’m certainly not opposed to ‘raunchy’ comedies if they are done well but I felt utterly sick the longer I watched this one and the ending scene was just disgusting to the point where I felt the need to bleach my eyes and wash the memory from my mind forever.

 

“Across the Universe” — Making a jukebox musical out of the music of the Beatles? Not a horrendous idea as I love the music of the Beatles as much as anyone but it needs to be done well with a strong presence behind it. “Across the Universe” is about as weak-headed and dull as it comes with most of the songs tacked on or inappropriateΒ and the story so lackluster and pointless that half the cast looks like they are wandering around in a daze. I adore Julie Taymor as she’s done amazing work in the past but her talents are really not used well here and the structure and tone changes so frequently that you have no idea what the point of the movie was even after it’s over. I know this film has its defenders but I am certainly not one of them.

 

“The Last Airbender” — I never really understood how bad film adaptations could be until I saw this film (after watching the show it’s supposedly based on of course). It remains in my opinion M. Night Shyamalan’s greatest failure even with all his bad films. Trying to adapt an entire season of a TV series into a 2 hour feature film is already a daunting task but to think that it was even attempted with a show as beloved, as powerful, and as well done as ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ is frankly mind boggling. All exposition with practically no character development, bad acting and miscasting across almost all fronts, and especially a unnecessarily toned down version of what the show should’ve been, ‘Last Airbender’ feels like a cliffnotes version of the show in all of the worst ways. But at least it looks pretty.

 

“War of the Worlds 2” — This is a great example of a film that simply does not need to exist and simply shouldn’t have been made even for a straight to DVD film. It completely neglects the point of the original film and gives us a continuation of the original story that repeats so many plots points that you’d swear you were watching the first film all over again. The performances are exactly what you’d expect, the plot feels completely pointless in every way, and minus one scene that looks OK with US fighters fighting alien spaceships that could’ve been stolen from ‘Independence Day’ the action and visuals are dull and unspectacular. Stick with the original 1953 version or even the 2005 version with Tom Cruise if you must watch a ‘War of the Worlds’ film. Completely incompetent, uninviting, and unnecessary.

 

“Warcraft” — I remember seeing this one in theaters just on a whim and as a joke and still walked out of it completely confused and wasted. I was never a huge ‘Warcraft’ fan anyway and I can truly see the passion and drive that obviously went into it. But as opposed to films like ‘Alone in the Dark’ or ‘Prince of Persia’ where it’s obvious that they weren’t faithful enough to the source material, this one takes the opposite approach and almost feels too faithful to the point where new potential fans like myself can’t possibly get into it no matter how much we might want to. With cookie cutter characters, a lackluster and confusing story, CGI that’s way too good for this film to the point where it becomes a hindrance, and a world you simply aren’t made to care about unless you’ve played the game, this one was a confusing snore fest from beginning to end. Unfortunately, it appears we’ll be getting sequels with this one because of how well it did overseas so….prepare yourselves.

 

“Jack and Jill” — Adam Sandler playing a brother and sister in the same movie? How did you think it was going to turn out? I really miss the days when Adam Sandler was good outside of animated movies. This has to be the lowest point in his career and one of the worst comedies ever made. When even Rotten Tomatoes in the film’s description on their site says that this film is quote ‘impossible to recommend on any level whatsoever’, what more needs to be said.

 

 

“Beauty and the Beast” (2017) — I talked a lot about this film already in my ‘Adaptation Comparison’ reviewΒ on it but needless to say my opinions on this film have only gotten worse over time. I know there are definitely worse films and worse adaptations out there (even on this list) but I think this one makes my worst films of all time list because of how much potential there was that was lost with its quality. All of the pieces were right there for it to be good in casting, story, and details. Yet somehow this one became an ugly, nonsensical, lackluster, and (in my opinion) indisputable mess even for a Disney live action remake. I know I get the haters on this one because this one has sort of become liked enough but if this is what upcoming remakes like “The Lion King” and “Aladdin” are going to look like, then I’m genuinely scared and skeptical for the future.

 

“The Room” — I have overall mixed feelings about this film. On the one hand, yes it’s god awful to the point where watching it straight is like torture and it deserves all the hate that it gets. On the other hand though, it comes so close to ‘so bad it’s good’ territory that you almost want to give it a pass. But between how popular it’s become to the idiotic social media team on primary creator Tommy Wiseau’s team trying to place a ban on every single piece of media out there that even mentions its’ name negatively, I say that it deserves a spot on this list. I appreciate if you like it but for me it’s just too much.

 

“Antichrist” — An experimental film by Lars Von Trier starting William Defoe, the less you know about this film the better. It is very gorgeous in terms of cinematography but underneath lies a pretentious, misogynistic, and horrendously dark look at the small things that bring darkness with the viewpoint that in the end everything is meaningless. While the auteur’s intentions may have been admirable, it is not only a 2 hour chore in the worst possible way but leaves nothing (and I mean NOTHING) to the imagination and its presented so graphically and so poorly that it will legitimately haunt you for days. For all that is good, stay far away from this film.

 

“Freddy Got Fingered” — How did this happen, America? Like seriously…..how did Tom Green and his degrading brand of comedy ever become popular enough to warrant a feature film? This is another film where the less I say about it, the better albeit for very different and yet somehow similar reasons compared to the last film on this list to the point where I consider being forced to watch it assault and battery. It is a direct representation and appeal to the lowest denominator of film-goers and the best way I can say how bad it is is to quote Roger Ebert directly:

“This movie doesn’t scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn’t the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn’t below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.” – Roger Ebert

 

“Suicide Squad” — Easily the worst comic book movie to have come out in this decade. There are many that are worse in terms of quality don’t get me wrong. But considering the hype, potential, and awesomeness that this one should’ve been and then to have it all come out as a jumbled mess of obnoxiously edited Spencer’s Gift puke, ‘Squad’ was a huge disappointment with any glimmer of hope sunk beneath the nonsensical edits, neon color darkness, and arrogantly stupid tone about itself that it’s a good movie. It would’ve killed any hope I had for the DC Cinematic Universe had “Wonder Woman” not come along and saved it singlehandedly. Also, Jared Leto / Margot Robbie: worst Joker / Harley Quinn of all time.

 

“Anonymous” — Who wrote the plays of William Shakespeare? Was it Shakespeare or was there some deep dark (idiotic conspiracy) afoot despite all of the evidence to the contrary that they were written by someone else. This is the answer that Roland Emmerich attempted to answer in this film and it’s bad as you would think it is. It really feels me with depression and irritation to know that some of the biggest names in cinema not only believe this but starred in this film and the plot makes absolutely no sense to even the most ardent historians of the time. This one hurts for all but especially for Shakespeare lovers in general.

 

“Gerry” — Ever wanted to watch a film that was the equivalent of being lost in the desert with no hope of escape? That’s “Gerry” in a nutshell. It has some gorgeous visuals and gets that feel down very well and there’s a lot about what you could say director Gus van Sant was trying to emulate here. But it’s also the most pretentiously boring 2 hours of visual ever put to celluloid. In the course of its run time, barely anything happens in terms of drama, development or even plot and I would put it down as a glorified screensaver if I could. If it doesn’t put you to sleep within 10-15 minutes of starting to watch it, I’ll be utterly shocked.

 

“Son of the Mask” — Family appropriate my scared out of my brain. This film is absolutely terrifying in every way, shape, and form. Bad writing, bad CGI, horrendous acting, and a disgusting color scheme and cinematography all make the film feel like its trying to absorb you in to its orifices and destroy you. It’s one of those films that needs to stay far away from kids despite the advertising and it even drove it’s leading star into creating his own documentary about critics and hecklers that feels like an attack rather than a legitimate film. After the somewhat good previous installment starring Jim Carrey, we deserved a lot better than this.

 

“Trash Humpers” — Out of all of the films on this list, this one hurts me the most.Β This is the best example of a home made video that was made by an avant-garde film director and is being considered as art.Β At least with some of the other films on this list, there was some degree of effort put in to them and you can kind of make it through them with some degree of alcohol. Watching this film feels like you’re being beaten with a tire iron and then left on the side of the street with how much it hurts and drains you. And yes…..the content of this film is EXACTLY what it says on the tin in the worst possible way.

That’s all for now. I’m sure I’ll be returning to this topic in the future so feel free to leave some more suggestions in the comments below. Until next time, ~Geronimo!!

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